Personal:

Oh, how easy I do crumble. It seems I'm incapable of doing anything right. I've lost a total of 110 pounds. Yet I can't find it in me to go a couple of weeks without breaking my diet? All I want to do is trim the remaining fat from my stomach. I need a better plan. I need better ways of stopping myself from breaking. I have to do something. I hate feeling disappointed in myself -- over and over and over again. If I don't break these bad eating habits now I will continue on a destructive path. The weight will return and with a little bit extra. I might actually reach that 300 pound mark if I don't stop this. But how? How to I stop doing what is so easily done? Can I find the strength that I once had. Can I regain the fortitude and will that I maintained that long six months of exercising and dieting?

I think so. I know so. It might take a while for me to find my footing but once I do there will be know temptations remaining. I'll need help, of course. With my first expedition in losing weight I turned to God. He lead me through the moments when I didn't believe I could go on. He gave me blind eyes to temptations that I would have otherwise jumped upon. I couldn't have gone so far, for so long without him. He became my safe place. My saviour when I was lost beyond the point at which I could find my own way. I'll forever be grateful for the support I found in the Lord. I can only hope that he will be there again.

Writing:

What can I say about my current writing projects? They aren't at the point I wish them to be, but when have they ever been? If they were, War of the Willow would be completed and A Legend of Tyr and the Path of Kings would be in the revision stage.

Oh well. I will continue to trudge on. What else is there to do? I could try and force myself to sit and write a couple thousand words a day, but, truthfully, I don't think that would do me or the books any good. The more I try and force the writing, the worse it becomes.

I can, however, write everyday. I can work everyday. For several hours. I love writing. I love creating. They are my two passions. I thank God for them every time I think about it. I wouldn't be me without my stories. Without my dreams and aspirations of becoming an author. The only problem is my determination. It seems to be lacking in all aspects of my life.

I want this. I want it more than anything else. I could die happy if I knew that I had a book to live on after me. To know that words that I put down would exist even though I had passed . . . no words can express that type of emotion. It's one that you have to feel for yourself. It doesn't have to come from writing. Just any passion that you may have, and getting recoginzed for it . . . nothing like it.

What is on the docket in the writing world?

War of the Willow: The very end of Chapter Thirteen HAS to be completed by Friday. Its really a rather simple scene. I'm at a spot where a few more words describing Cassandra's anguish and I will be able to glide into the scene between Chirnis and her daughter. I'm rather excited to write Chirnis's dialogue. I think in the prologue she comes off too flat. But of course she would. I hadn't developed her thoroughly enough in my head. As of now, I think she is fully formed. She's just an older version of Cassandra. Except, her heart isn't completely lost to the abyss of nothingness. She had felt love when she was alive. She believed in it. Sure, she's corrupt, but she hasn't shoved love and happiness completely out of the picture. Unlike Cassandra who believes the own path to happiness lies with obtaining the throne. Someone should have taught that girl better.

A Legend of Tyr & the Path of Kings: My current love. This story has really developed from several other stories and is now becoming its own story. I haven't fleshed it out thoroughly enough to describe it, even to myself. The only detail I know is that there are going to be several struggles in the story. A struggle for power between religions, families, and history. I want to get across that all this fighting in the world really means squat in the end. That doesn't mean Tyr is gone forever. No, indeed. That just means I will have to get creative if I ever choose to return to this world, which I don't think I will. This story belongs here. I don't think any other story does. Perhaps, if I create good enough history, I'll be able to spawn some prerevelation era stories, but I'm not looking to. No matter how popular of a series this may or may not become, I don't want to ruin the world by trying to milk it until its dry. Let the characters live in peace I say.

Other Stories: I'm really wanting to write some type of short story. Actually, I want to write something outside of the fantasy genre. I want to spread my wings (if you'll permit me to use a cliched phrase) and see where they can carry me. Whether I drop like a stone in a sea of failure or fly above the glorious mountains of success, we shall see. For now I am happy just knowing that I have to fit a story around "real world" concepts. No magic. No wonderful, mysterious happenings that can't be explained by science. I shall miss those things, surely, but I have to go beyond the possible to reach the impossible.

Conclusion:

Wish me luck with all my endeavors: personal and of the writing sort. I shall need them. Both will be long, tedious adventures, but what is worth having is always worth the effort that you put forth. I have never doubted that for a second.

Work hard, keep faith, and do what you love. Life is too short to consider what others may think of you for doing so.

Inkbearer -- Tyler